Going to court will not heal your broken heart.
It will not shield you from another breakup or ensure that you will never be hurt in another relationship.
It will not repair jealousy, betrayal, broken trust, cruelty, or even the honest reality that not all love lasts forever.
You will not be fully heard in court – the court is not set up for that. Not all of you, not all of what you feel or what you want to have said in “your day in court” will be said. It will be screened out by rules of evidence, rules of court, legal strategy, your lawyer, your partner’s lawyer, the court, the legislation and regulations, time, and limitations.
Please trust me that you will not count the day your lawyer cross-examines your ex-partner, co-parent, family members, friends, and possibly even your children as your finest moment, but it will be a moment that each person will remember. Each person will have their own unique experience of that moment. It will not be forgotten, it may not be forgiven, and it most certainly will form the future legacy of your relationships with each of these people.
Some people think that going to court will serve as their personal moment of reckoning with their ex-partner.
Please don’t confuse a successful court application or trial as vindication or as a sign your ex-partner has become accountable or seen your “truth”.
Sometimes court is necessary for safety or for protection, but even then, the necessity of court does not always minimize the harm that can occur.
Talking about “winning” in family court is to deny the trauma that is left in the middle of the courtroom and the scars that each person will walk away with….even if you don’t know the scars are there yet. (That includes you too, family law lawyers!)
Hearts don’t mend in courtrooms.
