Remember that time? The hurt, sadness, devastation, sorrow, grief, unbearable pain, betrayal, disappointment, anger, confusion, loss of control, numbness, anxiety, the gut-wrenching feeling that never left, exhaustion, feeling physically and mentally sick, the back and forth, burnout, fear, shock, jealousy, sleepless nights, doubt, panic, the million times replaying the same moments, the love, the missing, the stress…
Did you have to go to a family law lawyer?
I didn’t.
But if I did, I would have wanted them to understand that I didn’t want to be sitting before them, sharing my most personal details and not feeling like my most confident self…feeling vulnerable and dealing with emotions that overwhelmed me. I would want them to know that every question they ask has the potential to bring up tremendous pain and nothing is neutral or “just standard”. I would want them to know that I probably won’t remember much of what they are saying and that just showing up to the meeting with them is making me tired and stressed.
I would have wanted them to ask how I was doing. I would have wanted them to acknowledge the difficulty and the loss. I would have wanted them to acknowledge that the family law system is not a great place for the brokenhearted. I would have wanted them to check-in to see if I had a good support system, or any support system. I would have wanted them to let me know how human heartbreak is.
I would have wanted them to listen, really listen, and make space to hear what I had to say – all of it, even the “non-legal” parts.
I would have wanted them to let me know to ask questions and for them to be open without judgement.
I would have wanted them to have compassion, kindness, respect and understanding.
Every time someone is before us as family law lawyers, if we can remember that time when we were at our worst, our most broken, how we would have wanted to be treated, we can be better and do better.
Our broken hearts are a good source of learning.
